Silver Lining

On 1/17 I understood what a silver lining is. 

I witnessed the gift of nature, the poetry of sunrays reflecting so brightly off turquoise waters that it quite literally forms a silver line on the horizon where the sky kisses the sea. I am in the motherland with my sister as a gorgeous brown man drives us from Punta Cana to Santo Domingo. The sun is out and then it rains and it feels like the most loving shower. I am 4 years old and gentle hands bathe me while i play in warm waters. Warm fluffy towels. Inner child healing. Our driver, is from my GMA’s home, Monte Cristi, a place we are hoping to visit soon. He says that the people there love you for who you are not for what you have. It is a lasting lesson. My bones are feeling the strength of those words and the intention that we support our family and community with our well being. That we be fully embodied and successful. First for ourselves but then for those we are assigned to. All weekend long the signs and blessings came full circle with a renewed energy.

Our GMA’s Rancho, as she called it, was turned into a (12 apartment) building. She said, we are allowed to let go and evolve. Let go and let something new have a chance. We took a picture in front of it and we visit her in the mosoleum back in NY often. She visits us too. I feel her working in my life and asking me to shake off the “i don’t feel like it” vibe. She is urging me to “feel like it” because it’s a good time and about time to have a dream come true. I witnessed an OG on his game. We ate and drank and smoked and danced and cried and laughed and explored and did so easily and without much effort or spending. I came home to a long awaited blessing on our patrona’s day, La Virgen de Altagracia.

All things are a portal. My portal to the next level of my life was a car ride from an old life that I run from to a renewed sense of myself. An embodied version of self that doesn’t pretend or defend. A return to my child self who had passions and dedication. The girl who does not actually give a F and is busy. Busy with the things that matter. This requires let go; on the emotional level because it will make you sick, on ethe mental level so you can think about next right action with a clear and calm thought process. Let go is a skill, a practice, a necessary discipline so that instead of replaying and reliving the past we feel good about daydreaming the future and working it into reality.

We warm up to our dreams with a sense of safety and faith. Do you feel safe? Is your own mind a safe place for you?

(write about it)

So back to the silver lining on the horizon to my left, as I drive with my sister in our mothers country that is also ours in a way and our son’s . The past that is impossible to forget and forcing me to remember my soft heart. The silver lining is that after your heartbreak you love again.

It hurts to let go. Letting go is a solo project. Lonely only when we don’t let good in. 

So for those of you holding on to a past memory my prayer for us is that our heart be soft, your tense muscles supple and your mind at ease. Take your self back home and find the silver lining. Play. Forgive. Start again.