Pipa in heat
Pipa in heat
The truth is we were both in heat. The last lover I had was a young clueless man who turned out to be a drunk. She would soon teach me about pleasure,desire and attraction.
What I thought was pipas butt doubled in size and she started to get lazy.
We were both uncomfortable but filling the void in food. Mostly needing affection and touch we kept each other company. The moment came where it was better she didn’t leave the house. So we holed up even more and waited patiently for this wave to pass. That’s when the neighbor appeared hot and bothered by the call of her scent. It was a miracle actually. He satisfied her very primal need to cuddle but couldn’t get her pregnant. One afternoon I watched him lick her from head to toe. He even licked up any droplets of blood she left behind. He became the protector, the horn dog, the eventual nuisance. Never leaving her side. Risking his life for her.
Jose and I planned a walk in the hills soon after with Pipa and let her bf follow us. We couldn’t shake him and couldn’t get him to go back so at some point we committed to letting him come along. Once we reached the busy street he was done, no leash no self control. He was hit by oncoming traffic, we saw it, almost yelped in pain with him and no matter how many times we called out he just ran off.I went home to tell the owners what a mistake I’d made. I walked the neighborhood hoping to find his body. For two days I sat with the guilt of careless decisions, letting the dog follow us was stupid. I didn’t have a leash for him and knew he wasn’t accustomed to walking. It became a metaphor for how I feel about men. Pipa seemed totally fine about the nuisance not being around. She had quickly grown tired of him throughout her days of heat. It was good while she needed it and as soon as she didn’t she turned cold.
It was a big lesson in my life around desire, pleasure and the tricks of the dog. Dog medicine is about loyalty and friendship as much as it is about natural order. It’s best to have no attachments.
That dog is fine and has since lost interest in her as she had puppies with the dominant male in the alley. What a metaphor for all things female. I had fun living this parallel reality with Pipa, watching her get ate up by this very eager boy. I was missing men so much and she was getting generously licked. I couldn’t yet see what my life was becoming so I sat jealous of her. I wondered what I was missing instead of giving thanks for all I already was. We are always becoming. We just forget.
There’s a journal entry from the time I thought the bf was dead. I truly mourned him and saw the guilt I was carrying around with me over every decision. The one to keep walking with him and the callous version of me that didn’t keep him safe. And then every decision of my life held in a bubble of doubt and shame. I don’t want anyone to know energy…please, do not leave that kind of stone unturned. That’s the one needing care, slow care. I didn’t want anyone to know that I have always felt lonely. I don’t belong rings around in my head and the many reasons and excuses appear and show themselves.
This was how I fell in love with a dog and a place. Living like that made it easier to feel my poor choices and why I like them so much and why weed is so good bc it rocks and lulls that down for me- helps me have vision.
The jungle really does eat everything. Willys Place is intense and needy. I felt it then. I feel it now. My own desire and inflammation, hot and bothered- ness burning my blessings to nothing and the only answer is to soften the heart and clean up my life.
